“One day he told me that he’d spent his adulthood trying to let go of his past, and he remarked how ironic it was that he had to get closer to it in order to let it go.”
– Bessel A. van der Kolk, The Body Keeps the Score
Understanding your past can help you understand why you think and behave in certain ways in the present.
In my experience, many adults who come for therapy to address anxiety, depression, anger, or relationship problems have a history of painful childhood experiences that are unresolved and still cause emotional pain. Our “family of origin” is the family we grew up in, including parents, siblings, grandparents, aunts and uncles, cousins, and anyone else we considered “family.” Our family of origin is important because it is where painful childhood experiences usually occur. It is also where we learn (or do not learn) the skills we need to thrive in adulthood. As children, we learn by watching our parents or other caregivers. They model for us how to communicate, how to relate to others, how to manage our emotions, how to take responsibility, how to set boundaries, how to get our needs met, and how to care for ourselves. From our family of origin, we gain a sense of who we are, what we believe, and what we value. We also gain a sense of our own worth. People who grow up in a family with “dysfunctional” or unhealthy aspects tend to enter adulthood with deficits in some of these areas.
While it is not always necessary to talk about the past to resolve current emotional issues, exploring painful childhood experiences and family of origin dynamics can be helpful. Understanding the unhealthy patterns passed down from generation to generation in your family can help you break that pattern in your own family, sparing your children from repeating the same painful experiences. Here are some of the issues I can help you with in counseling:
- Building self-esteem.
- Reducing shame and feelings of worthlessness.
- Developing healthier relationship skills.
- Learning to identify emotional triggers and manage overwhelming emotions.
- Identifying your personal boundaries and learning how to set boundaries.
- Learning to communicate assertively to express your feelings and get your needs met without damaging your relationships.
- Discovering your authentic self.
- Stopping the cycle of abuse in your family.
- Forgiveness as a way of letting go.
- How to handle tense family interactions and repair/rebuild strained relationships.
- Inner child work.
- Reducing codependency and increasing independence.
- Treatment for trauma/PTSD.
Counseling around family of origin issues can help you heal old wounds and free yourself from the past. I have significant clinical experience helping people work through these issues and a strong passion for this kind of work. I would be honored to help you on your journey of healing.